Emotions
by TheVividTruth
Summary: Their relationship was so much different than his and Carly's, that he felt confused to tell her how much he meant to her. He had never had a conversation with her that involved intimate feelings. Seddie! R&R


**Disclaimer: If I owned iCarly, I would be counting the shit load of money I own :)**

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><p>There were somedays that Sam hated. They included school days-even though school was her favorite place to go, but she would never admit to that. It was a place where she could be "herself" and let loose. It was when she could spend time with her best friend Carly and sometimes (only when she was in a good mood) Freddie.<p>

She did not act the way she did at home, merely because she _was_ afraid of her mother. Her facetious remarks and obnoxious behavior were usually different at home. Sam helped her mother, with chores-usually she did everything herself because her mother was too drunk or too lazy to pick up a broom. Sam felt alone in her own home and she always thought- is a home, _really _a home if there was no one there to love or talk to?

Her father had died when she was seven years old. Sam and Melanie never understood what had happened. They had found their mother on the couch, tears running down her face.

"_What's wrong mama?" Melanie had asked with a pout on her face. She went towards her and sat in her lap._

"_It's your father, h-he's gone" Pam said and pushed Melanie out of her lap. She covered her face with her hands and started to bawl._

"_We don't get it. What happened?" Sam had said. She knew something was wrong, but that was the last question the Puckett sisters had asked their mother, before she went on a rampage._

The next year she had met Carly, the girl who made Sam feel like she belonged in the world. Sam began to build up walls around herself-to protect herself from getting hurt again. She didn't want to love anyone, but Carly was someone she got along with on certain occasions-she was the type of friend everyone went to advice for, but Sam had never opened up to her feelings with Carly because Carly already knew what was going on with Sam, she could see the sadness in her eyes and always tried to make her feel better.

Sam changed her attitude, well she did not completely change, but it was something like that. She was much more vicious than before and hated everyone around her. It was the walls she had built up. Carly and Sam had met Freddie at Carly's apartment. He was the new "kid" in town and was soon to be on Sam's bullying radar.

Even though she hated to admit it (more than anything), Freddie was someone that she actually cared about, even though she always tormented him- he was there for her and helped her out when she needed it. Over the years, their bickering died down, and developed a stronger friendship. He could read her mind and she could look at him and figure out what was stirring in his mind.

So when he had found her on the fire escape in Bushwell Plaza, he was not surprised. He had seen here there many times before. He knew she was there when she was feeling down and did not want to show her feelings. It was the same place where they had their first kiss. The same place he came to when he felt unsure about his feelings about Sam. Their relationship was so much different than his and Carly's, that he felt confused to tell her how much he meant to her.

It was a cool August day. They all had just got acceptance letters into the various universities they had applied for. Sam was reluctant at first to fill our any forms, but Carly pursued her to continue going to school. Freddie and Carly both knew Sam was _smart (_when she wanted to be) and it surprised him when she _actually_ had gotten accepted into NYU.

She was wrapped in a black shawl and was sitting on the edge of the balcony. It was drizzling slightly, but she didn't seem to mind at all. Her blond curls were blowing in the wind. Her feet were resting on a table beside her and her head was facing the busy city of Seattle. Freddie couldn't help but think about how beautiful she looked. Shaking his head, he climbed out of the window and onto the balcony.

"You can fall, you know" He replied in a witted tone. He stood beside her and crossed his arms over his chest. Sam turned her head to face him. He saw the wary look in her ocean blue eyes.

"I know that you nub" She quickly retorted and faced her scenery once more. Freddie took the opportunity to sit next her, but kept a distance so she wouldn't push him down the building. A pregnant silence took over them. She could feel his eyes on her, but didn't say anything about it. At least not today, she felt too tired to beat the poor nub up. A few minutes passed and neither of them noticed the fact that they were both calm and quiet with each other for once in their lifetime.

"Are you okay?" He asked softly. Freddie got ready to jump away from Sam, if she got angry.

"I'm fine ass face. Just because I'm not kicking your butt right now, doesn't mean I'm in depressed mode" Her words were untrue and Freddie could see that and he couldn't help but roll his eyes at her.

"Ya it does. You look upset" He stated the facts and now it was her turn to roll her eyes.

"_Thanks _Dr. Phil, I don't need your sappy comfort" She retorted and looked at him directly in the eyes. Sam had noticed that during the years he had transformed from the dorkish kid she used to bully, to a tall (maybe even handsome) guy who could probably get any girl he had wanted. Plus, he had developed these gorgeous muscles...

"I wasn't gonna comfort you Sam. I just wanted to talk" He made sure his answers were short and straight.

"I don't know what crawled up your ass Benson, cuz' your the last person that would want to talk to me" She said. Sam couldn't help but feel guilty about the way she had treated him through out the years. It was like the way her mother treated her-not physically of course, but verbally and mentally. It was these days she missed her father the most.

"Why is that? I think we're both over the fact that your the biggest bully in the world" He chuckled, but stopped when he saw a flash of hurt go over Sam's face. She turned her whole body around around to face the window in the building, but it was too quick, she lost her balance and shrieked. Before she could fall, Freddie caught her in his arms. Sam's shawl had fallen down to the busy streets of Seattle, revealing the tank top she was wearing, showing off her tanned arms and a small tattoo below her collarbone that said "Just Breathe".

He pulled Sam's arms and her head collided with his chest, causing her to grumble in pain. When did he get so strong? When did she get so weak?

"Ow fuck, fucking fuckhead" She said as she looked up to see a smirk dancing on Freddie's lips.

"I just saved your life" He brought her down to sit on the ground. She sat down on the ground to face him, her head facing down. Sam felt comfortable. She couldn't remember the last time she had hugged someone-not even Carly.

"Stop pointing out the obvious nub. I think we all know how dorkish you are" Sam grumbled. Their knees were touching and she felt a sting of electricity pass through her.

"My, my I don't even get a thank you" She looked at him and sat Indian style. He noticed how petite she was, how her hands looked so small and fragile-the same hands that tormented him. The way her cheekbones complimented her face, and her lips-so full that he sometimes wanted to fell them on his.

She ignored his comments and closed her eyes. She was _thankful_. She was thankful because she had amazing friends who supported her, but she did not know how to show it. Both Carly and Freddie-hell even Spencer and Gibby knew she wasn't completely heartless.

"Your not okay, just tell me what's wrong Sam. You can't always keep your feeling bottled in like this" Freddie demanded. He wanted to reach out and give her a hug.

"Yes I can"

"No you can't. People can develop mental disorders like this. It's not good. I might just put you in therapy-

"Okay okay, just stop rambling. God, you give me a headache, and FYI I'm already taking anger management classes" She sighed and closed her eyes once more. Sam heard him chuckling. She clenched her jaw, but did not feel any anger or resentment towards him.

"I miss him a lot" Sam's sudden outburst made Freddie think. He knew what she was talking about. Carly had told him to leave Sam alone for a few days. Sam had never mentioned her father around anyone, but the brunettes knew he had passed away when Sam was very young. She had bluntly told them that, with no expression of remorse.

"I know" Freddie whispered quietly.

"I really don't remember much about him. The only thing I remember is that he was always there for me. My mother was always busy with Melanie because she took "interest" in female activities, I don't even know what the fuck that means but apparently it was Melanie who got along with my mother the most, so I really only had my father growing up."

Sam tried not to cry, it was hard. It had been twelve years since her father's death, yet his memories seemed vivid to her. And it was Sam Puckett- she did not cry, but how much longer could she keep this "I'm-a-badass-don't-fucking-mess-with-me" look?

Freddie had never seen Sam looking so vulnerable, even with her head down he could tell she was trying hard not to let her feelings show. He had _never_ had a conversation with her that involved intimate feelings. He could not help himself when he had suddenly leaned in and put a finger under her chin to lift her head up.

He saw a tear go down her cheek and he quickly wiped it away with his thumb. Sam wanted to push him away and tell him to stop, but she couldn't. It was the first time she had let her emotions loose and it felt nice to have someone there to listen to her.

"Don't cry Sam, please don't. I know it's hard for you to deal with your mother, but you know she loves you, even though she doesn't show it. And I know it's hard to put your feelings out there because you want to act like the tough ass chick so know one could hurt you, but you have to know that Carly and I will always have your back, even if you do push me off a building and paralysis me, I'll listen to you when your having a bad day" He rambled on. It felt good to talk to Sam like this actually it felt good to talk to Sam any day. He was always happy to hear her alive and kicking.

She looked up and her striking blue eyes hit him, they were still sad but her smile was genuine. It was a smile he hadn't seen in a long time. It made Freddie's heart swell and he leaned in to hug Sam, an action she wasn't to familiar with. He held her for a second before she put her hands around his neck. He breathed in her familiar scent of strawberries and ham, it was oddly a pleasant scent.

"Thank you" She whispered quietly and sat in his lap. He played with her hair and listened to her hum a strange tune he had never heard before, but he liked it.

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><p><strong>This is my first time writing a story about a TV show. I have had this huge obsession with iCarly, it's actually quite embarrassing.<strong>

**So I hope this wasn't too OOC, I think it is.**

**REVIEW! REVIEW! REVIEW! I always like a review, good or bad, it helps the writer :)**

**Another note: I got like 1000 hits for this story and 2 reviews...COME ON PEOPLE, don't make me hunt you down, especially you Americans...all I have to do is cross the border :) No worries, I love the States:)**


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